Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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