My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
