Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
