Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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