This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize