so let's talk penis.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
