I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
