my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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