I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
