I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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