Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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