i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
