I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
