Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize