The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
