So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
