no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
