Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
