I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
