It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
