ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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