Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
