Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
