I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I said "one day" and that day is not today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
