nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize