We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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