the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
