it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
