Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
