the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
