yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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