Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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