You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
