bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
