Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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