Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
