I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize