So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
