her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
