I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
