There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
