he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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