Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We are two peas in an std pod
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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