when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
