I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
