This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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