I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
