So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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