i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
