I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
