sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
