thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
