you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
