sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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