You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
