I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
