I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Watching her eat just hurts me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
