let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
