you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
