dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize