My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
