I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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