I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
