I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
