I just cut my nipple shaving
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
