I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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