You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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