sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
