Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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