ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
