Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
