Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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