so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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